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The danger of relationship dogma

6/7/2015

1 Comment

 
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As I write this, I've just read an article a friend in the UK thought I might be interested in. It's a story about an attractive 49 year old woman (pictured) who is selling her house and all of her worldly possessions in order to buy a camper van (a small RV) and go on a road trip to Scotland to find 'the man of her dreams'. 

​The interview with her reveals her self professed 'incurably romantic' nature, and briefly outlines a life peppered with failed or unsatisfactory relationships, (including one marriage) and subsequent attempts to find a partner that included listing herself for sale on eBay! It concludes with her assertion that "The man of my dreams is out there somewhere. It's time for me to settle down, be normal and fall in love. This could be my happy ever after. And if it is, at least I wouldn't have spinster written on my death certificate." 

Whatever you might conclude personally about this lady, you have to admire her conviction and commitment to such a romantic quest. But it's also abundantly clear that she could be making an unfortunate mistake in her thinking, best evidenced by the fear that is inherent in that last sad sentence. 'at least I wouldn't have spinster written on my death certificate.' Whilst I would not quibble with the obviously desperate desire for companionship, it's the apparent estimation of herself and her success in life as stemming from whether or not she ends her life attached to somebody else that concerns me. It's a belief which in my experience all too often and oh so easily becomes a fixation for many. I know this because I encounter less extreme versions of the phenomenon in personal channeling sessions.

The etheric's take on relationships was covered quite adequately in the chapter 'Channeling Laid Bare II' in 'A Piece of Heaven', but it didn't really deal with the dangers of a mindset that can leave individuals feeling they lack worth without the endorsement that a personal relationship seems to provide. The sentiment so lyrically, yet so damningly expressed in the old Dean Martin favourite 'You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You' is surely one of the most damaging and misleading pieces of external referencing we expose ourselves to. It can breed a lifetime of discontent, unhappiness and self torment, and lead those who experience it to take actions which are not only foolish in their extreme neediness, but also highly deleterious to their progression upon the ascension pathway.

The plain and simple truth of it is this: There are some lifetimes where you are meant to discover what it is to be alone; where you have to come to an appreciation of the fact that your worth is not measured by your ability to connect at a romantic level with somebody else; where your personal relationship contracts of a romantic nature do not extend across the whole of a lifetime; where you have to learn that the self discovery which can be afforded by a relatively isolated personal existence can lead to meaningful and advantageous self discovery; where you realise that the more you seek something out, the more it can allude you, and that when you stop searching, it comes to you apace; where you gain an understanding that things are not panning out as you would desire because there's a huge learning point that you're missing out on. It could be any one of these things, all of them simultaneously or another dozen that effect the course of our lifetimes. The need for relationships is a dogma that impacts countless lives for midterm souls. It's also a not unlikely testing ground for old souls to prove their mastery. 

Personally, I'm not at all unsympathetic to the desire for romance. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have been happily married for 28 years, and cannot begin to conceive of an existence without Sharon by my side. But experiencing a dearth of romantic relationships in our lives isn't the etheric's way of messing around with us. Beseeching them to provide assistance in guiding us to a soul mate is an exercise in futility. What we will be, will be. Our lives in all matters are comprised of the challenges we determined for ourselves before ever incarnating, and that may so easily include the self imposed strife of feeling a pressing need to be involved with someone. It's not something we can allow ourselves to glibly succumb to. It's something we need to recognise and gain mastery over. 

It is of interest to note that when channelees request etheric input about their own relationship situations, the most common advice given to them relates to whether or not they have truly accepted themselves and embraced their (usually) on-going single situation. The subsequent revelation is that without doing so they are, at least at a subconscious level, unprepared to welcome another's presence into their existence. Have they yet accepted that what they seek in another, which they believe will 'complete' them, is no substitute for wholeheartedly and genuinely recognizing and accepting the 'wholeness' of themselves? In other words, what we believe we need and relentlessly seek is never outside of ourselves. It can only come from within. A relationship can only ever be an add-on, an adjunct, a 'nice to have'.

It's none of my business what's going on with this lady and I'll spare you my personal speculations as to what the likelihood of a 'successful' outcome are for her. Perhaps securing publicity for her apparently lonely plight and bold intentions in national media will attract the type of attention and learning experiences that are important for her in this lifetime. Perhaps not. I truly wish her well. But her pursuit of her romantic dream does highlight for me that we all need to be aware that relationship learning can be very tough, and actually require a solitary existence. It doesn't matter one iota if you have 'spinster' written on your death certificate. 

I know this because an archangel told me so.

1 Comment
Verona
6/7/2015 07:39:39 am

I have lost count of the number of times I have gently suggested to people that they need time on their own, to get to know themselves before worrying about having an 'other half'. We have these romantic notions thrust upon us from early childhood and it is very hard to shake off, as well as shaking off comments from well meaning friends and relatives about our single status

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